I have this friend who is single. Why she is single is another post entirely. But lately she’s given me a lot of this, “Oh – I’m never going to find the right guy” stuff. And even though we’ve had this conversation over and over, we repeat the same arguments back and forth. Which basically comes down to me telling her she’s way too picky. And her telling me that physical attraction is very important to her. (She has other standards too. And truth be told I don’t think she really wants to get married. But that’s nothing to do with this post.)
Anyway. When she goes there – with the physical attraction stuff – I always say to her, “Child. You are clueless. Yes, you need to be able to stand the sight of him, but that’s where it stops. Because once you do get married, you will never NEVER look at him the same way again.”
She thinks I’m wrong. Even though what I’m telling her is the same thing that other married friends are telling her. But she refuses to believe that once you’ve been married for 10 years, the biceps that once made your heart stop aren’t something your eyes ever land on again.
I love my husband. And I think he’s attractive. But seeing him naked doesn’t make my heart flutter or want to peel off my own clothes. What turns me on at this stage in our game is when he changes a lightbulb without being asked. When he sorts laundry and then puts them into the machine and then STARTS the damn thing – all on his own. What turns me on is to hear him, right now, tossing a football in the yard with the boys while I’m on the computer and to hear them all laughing.
She thinks this is so cliche. And maybe it is. But it’s True as all get out. And it’s a good thing. I think this shift in what’s attractive and what jolts your sex drive is really nature making plans. Yes, my husband still has those killer arm muscles that once made me notice him. But he won’t forever. I’d like to think we will still be having sex when we’re 60, and I’m guessing neither of us will look that great in the buff at that point. So isn’t it a good thing that our heart starts to take over for our eyes and we begin to find other ways to be aroused?
Yes, she needs that physical spark in a future mate. I’m not denying that. But that’s about 10% of the pie. Just plain old not as important as you think.
I’m glad I feel the way I do about this because frankly, it makes me feel less pressure to strive for physical beauty all day. And less pressure to look for it myself. Because one day it will fade. And what would be left then?