It was several years ago that I remembered making this deal with myself that I would try to raise my kids so that they understood they wouldn’t always come first. So that they got there was a big world out there and sometimes Mommy and Daddy had to focus on someone else’s needs over their own. And I promised I would do that.
So I’m clinging to that today. Because I feel horrible guilt that I missed my son’s parent teacher conference today. I was stuck in an attorney’s office. Trying to figrure out how to counter the claim that my mom, in her present delusional state, has made in the past few weeks. The restraining order she took out against my brother as a means to deny him access to his son, whom she has. The custody she is trying to get legally to keep him. The horrible deception she has committed on paper that has been filed in the courthouse. The trickery and craziness of it all.
And it looks like Husband and I are going to try to get custody of him now. Because otherwise she could end up winning. And he’s not safe with her.
And here we are. Here is my week.
We found out, quite by accident mind you, that there was a hearing set for Friday. Friday is 5’s birthday. He turns 6. He has asked me for over 5 months now to please make sure I work in his classroom on the day of his birthday. He’s made requests with the teacher of what he wants to do that day. He has the snack planned out and ready to go in our dining room as I type. I gulped as the attorney read the computer screen and asked her in a weak voice what time on Friday. “12:30,” she said. The exact moment I was supposed to be in his class.
I closed my eyes and wondered how I would ever make that up to him. I don’t know if I can.
I am hopeful tonight that she can get that hearing moved. For more reasons than that. And hopeful that this will all work out. And that life can stop being ugly and hard.
But I’m also thankful that I had already decided to not always put my kids first. Because that’s helping with the sting of the missed event today. And the stuff I am bound to miss over the next few days and weeks.